Archive for November 2006

This Journey we are on

November 15, 2006

This Journey we are on is something quite hard to comprehend. I though when I was young that it was all about fighting the obstacles and then you come through them and Jesus gives you something called faith and you start walking in healing and hearing from god and then you share that with others. Then as I grew I became “wiser”… sought of and realised that life isnt full of sugar and spice and that there is hardship and at times you feel like giving up you feel hopeless and at times I felt like giving up. Then I had some victory as I have shared previously and I thought this is it god is just around the corner. Then I go through trouble and think where did god go. Then I learn that I wake up suddenly one day and realise bit by bit god has been working in me. I wish sometimes things were more clear to me and hope some day they will be but one thing I know is this jesus guy real and has changed my life and he does answer prayers. 

Its been an interesting week or two I tell you what.  My computer has been playing up the last couple of weeks for a start so I havent been on line much. Much of this the last couple of the weeks I have been fighting off a cold, the last six month have been shocking health wise. Then just yesterday i had a minor car incident (minor in the sense that I can drive my car and I am alright) and hence have been sorting out insurance etc.  I have also been going ups down emotionally. I am happy to say though despite being unwell and the car incident I have handled it much better than i would of in the past god has really done a work in me helping me. I feel more secure and dont tend to lose my sense of hope. I am also almost over my cold and I have pretty much got the car sorted out although there is the inconvience of waiting for repair. In the past i would of been way stressed out by now. I have also been finding that some of the old patterns of behaviour are starting to be broken (ways in which i used to use to manage stress and anxiety).

Something which I am particularly excited about is that a a couple of weeks ago I was feeling alone and finding it hard to connect with other people my age. So I got praying about this and over the last couple of weeks there has been a turn around. I went fishing just this last weekend with a guy from church that I have only really started to get to know the last few weeks and out of the blue I got invited to a party this saturday. I also got invited to bowling last week but couldnt make it cause I was struggle with my cold. On top of that I have starting meeting up with some other friends at work and having a great sharing time and another friend is coming down to visit next week. so praise god for these friendships that are opening up plus I really felt to go to the uni church and visit. some of these options were there before but some how i didnt see them. I also realise and value the other friendships I have with those who are older and I have realise that there are people I can call when I am feeling down. I am still going to the full gospel business mens fellowship internation- which has been a real blessing and many of the men have spoken truth into my life and been encouraging. I was particularly encouraged when one of the men reminded me I dont have to have everything sorted out and that it isnt in my strength that I work things out its by coming god and allow him to work in me, humbling myself before him and acknowledging I need his help. I feel sometimes like a bit a failure in that I am supposed to have this hope and have everything right and be sharing christ with other but then I now realise the hey its not that I am ment to have it all soughted out its that I am real and I am working through stuff and I have a real god that helps me and can help others. Thats so exciting. Paul says that our best efforts are filthy rags we need to ask jesus to help us and trust jesus to help us. we need to be open and honest. we need to die to our own efforts to some how attain rightenouse it is by faith we are made righteous.

I am really starting to feel that I am not so alone after all.

I was also thinking the other day how i used to get these attacks by the enemy that one I would die and jesus wouldnt be there that i was living a lie. But now even when I have doubts there is something in me that gives me hope, an inner knowing that jesus is real and that I dont have to fear. Its so awesome go god.

I am also started to see that god is using me to touch those around me. I have been praying for a friend who has been looking for work and having a hard time and just today she told me some doors have been opening up. Also other friends have mentioned that they have been touch when I have listened to god and prayed for them. Thank you Jesus for using me and giving me discernment and prophetic words. To be honest I was begining to give up and think maybe some of this stuff only works for the benny hinns of the world. It will be exciting to see what god has in store. I my prayer is that he will fill my life and give me the opportunity to touch and speak into others lives and demonstrate gods love to them. Its so hard this world and people are crying out for love and yet at times love cant be found even in the church. I dont claim to be a perfect demonstration of gods love- far from it but I know i this god that we serve loves us very dearly and I intend to find out just how much and share it the best I can (might ask god how to do that- probably a good idea).

 Praise be to God